Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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