We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
