Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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