i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
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Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize