I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Pooping to opera.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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