they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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