My liver just broke up with me...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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