Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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