why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
