and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
