she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
