you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
