I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
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