I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
