it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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