it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
