They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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