He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
