It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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