True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
