Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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