I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
