she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
