if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I wish I could punch you in the face.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
