They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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