If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Blood and glitter go together right?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
