Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
