If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
