i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
