I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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