She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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