i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize