i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just want nice things and good sex
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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