Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
