If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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