i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
