Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
