i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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