Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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