Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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