I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
How does one acquire holy water?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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