remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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