he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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