So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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