I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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