Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He? As in you personified your dick?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
