my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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