Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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