I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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