I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
