i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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