I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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