goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
