Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
