Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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