he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
