can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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