and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
