Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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