just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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