I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
