Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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