I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I will be naked everywhere
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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