If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
