I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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