How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just googled if crying burns calories
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
