Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
