Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
