Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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