I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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