so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
