I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
