When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
