i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i will never coherently bang her
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I am mentally ready for anal.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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