mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence