I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
