I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
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I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
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Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too