i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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