'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i am craving dick and cupcakes