the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me