Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
