Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
